So Many Memories

 Our Mom passed away peacefully at her home on May 14, 2024. She was 96 years old at the time, and my siblings and I have been navigating the cleaning up of her home while we ponder our next steps. We knew this day would come eventually, and it’s not been easy.

Mom was a private person. As I shared in this blog from October 2015, Mom was special; she helped to shape my siblings and me into the people we are today. When Mom and Dad became grandparents, their home became the place-to-be on special holidays, for celebrations,  or for “corn parties” when Dad’s crop was ready to be harvested. These get-togethers were filled with stories and laughter and catching-up. We saw the grandchildren - our kids - grow up together as lifelong friends as well as cousins. Then these kids grew up and had kids of their own. Our family home that Mom and Dad bought back in 1969 was filled with even more laughter. 

Dad passed away in 2013 (Aloha, Dad). Since then, Mom lived alone in that 5-bedroom home. As she grew older, my siblings and I took turns spending time with her; we needed to watch her more carefully as she became less independent. And now, as we go through her drawers and closets, we’re getting an even greater insight about what made our Mom tick.

Mom loved her family, and as I cleaned out her desk drawers, I came across so many greeting cards and thank-you cards.  I hope Mom occasionally took them out to re-read because they were filled with sweet thoughts of appreciation and love. Mom and Dad also read the newspaper from front to back every day, I was surprised that she had cut out and saved articles written about or by her children and grandchildren and kept them in binders or file folders. As my siblings and I go over to clean and purge, we sometimes get caught up, looking through Mom’s photo albums or going through her scrapbooks. 

I know that especially in the later years, it was difficult to think of what to get Mom for her birthday, Mothers’ Day, or Christmas. As we clean, we are finding unused gift cards, brand-new items that were unwrapped but never used, clothes with the price tags still intact, and other well-meaning gifts that Mom never had the opportunity to use or enjoy. We are donating many of these items to charity, and we hope they will be enjoyed by those who receive them. 

We are encouraging our children (Mom’s grandchildren) to go through Mom’s items and to take things that they want or that remind them of her.  Three items I took from Mom’s home are a bracelet that the ladies at Wahiawa General Hospital made for newborns; our last name is misspelled, but I love that Mom kept all five of our bracelets. I also took my baby book; Mom had taped a penny from the year I was born on the first page and recorded my milestones including my first photograph. And I took my Dad’s bento-pail, his lunchbox, the one he took to work in the pineapple fields when they first got married. It was tucked way in the back of the kitchen cabinet What a find!

Mom and Dad bought their home when I was a senior in high school so I didn’t spend too many years there before getting married and starting our own family in our own home. Now that Mom and Dad have both passed, I know another family will move in and make their own memories in that special place. It would be impossible for me to share everything about what Mom and Dad’s home has meant to our extended family, and time has a way of moving on whether we like it or not. But I am grateful for all of the wonderful memories of Mom and Dad’s home, and I am hopeful that the next family will feel the love that we all shared in that special place. 

The bracelet that the volunteers made for newborns at Wahiawa General Hospital. The name is misspelled - it should be AMEMIYA - but it is nevertheless, a very special keepsake.

I knew Mom had a book for each of us, so when I became a Mom, I kept one for each of our sons. 

Dad’s bento (lunch) pail that he took to work when he worked as a laborer in the pineapple fields. 

It is still in great condition! 

A Blog Post from 8 Years Ago is Still Applicable Today

As we navigate through all of the information and disinformation in this political year, I thought I’d re-post a blog I wrote back in 2016. My feelings haven’t changed in the nearly 8 years since I wrote this blog so I thought I’d repost it.

Why is it Taking So Long?

When I was in school, I never had a female administrator. My principals and vice principals from elementary school through high school were all male. They wore short-sleeved white shirts, dark pants, and dark ties and hardly ever smiled.  They were feared, and the threat of being sent to the principal's office kept everyone in-check. The rumor was that there was a paddle in the office; we never knew if it was true. We just knew that we didn't want to be the one to find out.

As a kindergarten student, I decided that I wanted to be a teacher, and throughout the rest of my school years, that was my goal. I loved teaching and when I became a mother, I had to find that balance between work and family. Honestly, becoming a mom made me a better teacher and a better time manager. I had to prioritize, and family came first..

I got into educational administration only after my own sons were older; two were in college and my youngest was in middle school. While they were in their formative years, I was the chauffeur, the coach, the one who went to meetings and performances. My husband came when he could, but his job often didn't allow him to attend. I didn't mind, and now when I look back, I have so many wonderful memories. I think that's how it is with many moms.

Times have changed for girls/women since I was growing up:

• Traditional families back when I was little were like the Cleavers or the Nelsons. Mom stayed home and took care of the house and the kids. Dad went to work and was the primary breadwinner. Today, Moms often have to work to supplement the family income or because they are single parents. 
• Title IX gives girls an equal opportunity to compete in sports. This has made a huge impact on our girls who now can receive full college scholarships for playing on an athletic team.
• Girls are encouraged to go to college and enter fields that were previously male-dominated although they are still underrepresented in fields like engineering and mathematics.
• Women can now do combat duty as members of the military.
• Since the first woman was elected to Congress in 1916 - exactly 100 years ago - 313 women have been elected.  In Hawaii, 3 out of our 4 Congressional delegation are women (wow!) and presently, about 20% of the members of Congress are women. We've made advances in this area, but the number is still far from proportional.

Yet despite the advances women have made in society, we are still unable to break the glass ceiling in the United States. Other countries have elected women leaders - Indira Gandhi was elected as Prime Minister of India 50 years ago; Israel's Golda Meir was elected in 1969; and Margaret Thatcher served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom beginning in 1979. Why is it taking so long for those of us in the United States to elect a woman President?

From my perspective, women, despite their advances, must work extra hard to gain the respect from men and other women. If we cry, we are considered weak. If we don't show emotion, we are "cold." If we choose to get input before making a decision, people criticize us for being indecisive. If we swear, that is unladylike, and sometimes, a woman's opinions is drowned out simply because she is outnumbered. And her appearance? The public can be so critical and cruel.

I am quite certain that the first female principals had to prove themselves. They probably had to be extra tough to show that they could do the job. As time passed and more women were appointed to educational leadership positions, the principalship became less about being tough and more about being collaborative and working with school communities to ensure that children were learning in a safe, nurturing environment. Today, we probably have an equal number of male and female principals, and I am grateful for those first women principals for paving the way for others like me. 

One day soon, I hope our country will elect a woman President. When she proves that she can lead the country - her way - she will pave the way for others to follow and serve as a role model for girls and young women.

I hope to see that happen in my lifetime.