Our New Normal

It has been three weeks since we heard the news that no parent wants to hear. Our second son, Jarand, had passed away in his sleep. It seemed impossible. We had just spoken to him the night before when he was returning from a Pokemon Go Raid with his older brother, Justin, and two nephews, Jace and Jayden. He was upbeat and spoke about what he had scheduled for the next day.

Jarand had spent a few days in the hospital when he visited Hawaii in January, and when he returned to Las Vegas, he made the effort to change his lifestyle to deal with the heart and kidney issues caused by high blood pressure. In typical Jarand fashion, he followed doctor's orders,  took his blood pressure faithfully and recorded his numbers twice daily, took his medication, ate healthy, and went for long walks. He had been active when he was in Hawaii, playing tennis, bowling, and golfing, but when he moved to Las Vegas, his physical activity declined. Jarand was upbeat and shared that his doctor, whom he described as somewhat of a curmudgeon, had complimented him at his last appointment and told him his numbers had improved. I believe that gave Jarand the motivation to continue what he had been doing, and I cling to the belief that it gave us a few more months with him.

These last three weeks were the most difficult of our lives, and as I look back, I reflect on what has helped us get through the dark days. For me, it was hearing from so many of Jarand's friends, primarily through social media, and realizing how much everyone loved him. It was his boss' comments and the positive impact he seemed to have, especially with new realtors who shared with us about how much he helped them when they first started. It was the remembrances of family and friends who reminisced about our son. It was also my own personal memories of Jarand and what made him special.

I had hoped that Jarand would follow in my footsteps and become a teacher. He had coached his little brother Jordan's soccer teams from the time he was 12 years old, and he was a great coach. He was positive, organized, taught skills and strategies, and made sure the players had fun, showed good sportsmanship, respected the game, and improved as soccer players. Jarand continued to coach or help out teams throughout his years in high school and at the University of Hawaii, even while playing competitive tennis.  I encouraged Jarand to go into education, but he chose to obtain his degree in history instead. I was so disappointed when he told me that he was tired of going to school and did not want to pursue his Master's degree in education.

Three years ago, Jarand decided to leave his job and move to Las Vegas to be there for Justin and his boys. He also wanted to share his love for soccer by helping his brother coach Jace and Jayden. He loved waking up early to watch soccer games on TV, and he was thrilled that Jace would often join him. Jarand was everyone's favorite uncle, often going over to his friends' homes just to play with their children He loved winning stuffed animals at arcades and giving them to his friends' kids or his nephews. One of my favorite photos shows the boys waking up in the morning and discovering the giant teddy bear that Jarand had won for them the night before. Their joy is obvious!

On May 30, the staff at school threw me a retirement party, and Jarand, Justin, Jace, and Jayden were coming from Las Vegas to surprise me. We had the party despite Jarand's passing (though it was no longer a surprise). It was such a special evening, and I was overwhelmed with aloha for all these people who have touched my life. Instead of Jarand being there, Jordan was able to attend in his place. He was able to get a week of emergency leave from his deployment to be with the family. I was so happy to have him with us at this difficult time.

Very few people knew that Jarand had recently applied to be a substitute teacher at Clark County School District. He was looking for a part-time job to supplement his realtor income, and I casually suggested that substitute teaching might be a good option. Again, in typical Jarand fashion, he took action immediately and seemed genuinely excited about the possibility. I thought it was somewhat ironic that just as I was retiring, he was going to experience what it was like to be a teacher. I held out hope that he might even decide to go back to school to become a teacher and do real estate as his side job. Alas, it is not to be.

Randy and I knew that our family needed to be strong and rely on each other for support. I shared with Randy that what was helping me get through this challenging time was a phrase from the movie, "The Last Samurai." When Emperor Meiji asks Nathan Algren (the Tom Cruise character), "Tell me how he died (about the samurai, Lord Katsumoto), Algren replies, "I will tell you how he lived." Jarand impacted so many people in the 38 years of his life. Although I mourn his passing, I choose to remember how he lived. Randy calls this our "new normal." We realize that Jarand is no longer here with us physically, but his legacy lives on. We will do all we can to ensure that he is not forgotten.

As I transition to a new phase of my life - retirement - I am renaming this blog, "A Legacy of Love." It reflects my continuing love for education and my deep commitment to ensuring that our children benefit from the kinds of experiences that prepare them to make a difference. I want them to realize that everyone has something to offer to make this world a better place. Jarand made a difference in many lives; this is how I choose to honor his memory.

#ahuihoujarand